Isn’t it a wonderful day when you ask yourself this question for the first time? How to Change With Love?
Or perhaps it’s not the first time. Perhaps you have been asking yourself this question for a long long time now.
In any case, you landed on the right page!
Simply by you asking it, searching for it in Google and getting here, this is what I can deduce about you:
- You are emotionally advanced human being that recognizes that change is part of life
- You realize that the responsibility for the things you can change rests solely with you
- You know that you don’t want to force change
- You realize that Love is the strongest force in the Universe
- You feel that change with Love is the only lasting change you can make in your life
See, I can bet you anything you want that you have all those 5 characteristics, right?
It took me some time to realize (for myself) that the only way to make a lasting change is to change with love.
I was a pusher and a shower, I tried to control everything and I also resisted and disapproved of the things I didn’t like that I saw in my world.
Luckily for me, I was led on a path that later proved out to be the shortest way for me to (re)learn how to change with love.
I will now share with you what I have discovered…
Here are five steps that can help you too start the process of changing with love.
STEP 1: Understand that it’s a process, not a destination
When I was starting to learn this whole “business of Love” I was really not sure what to expect. I approached this subject from my old “materialistic” point of view, the only one that I had operating at that time.
What I mean by that is that I wanted somehow to use Love to change my own environment, so that I can be happy.
Of course, it rarely (like ever) worked. And actually, there is really no way to reach and sustain that “perfect state”. Happiness is not there.
You can read article I published recently named “Why Do I Hate My Life?” just so you can see my thoughts on why you really can’t achieve that “perfect” state or get that “perfect” and “final” result done, so that you can be happy, once and for all.
When you fully accept that this change is actually a process, you recognize there is nowhere that you need to run to.
You start constantly approaching life situations with Love, and you stop expecting things to change. And yet somehow, they change soon after that.
STEP 2: When in doubt always follow your heart
There were times when my mind disagreed with what I felt was the right thing to do.
This point especially gets triggered if you are dealing with issues of survival. And those issues are usually connected to careers, jobs, bosses, bills that need to be paid, medical treatments etc.
I had to decide for myself, and I had to re-affirm it from that point on constantly, that I choose to align with what I feel deep inside of me is right for me, and not what my mind is telling me.
So I quit that job, I left that relationship, I jumped into the unknown. All those things my mind was against. My mind told me it’s dangerous and that I will face certain death and failure if I try to do it.
I have consciously chosen not to listen to it. Instead, I have chosen to listen to my hearth.
I decided to jump all the way in and see how deep the rabbit hole goes.
STEP 3: Accept that you cannot change what has already happened
When I was dealing with changes in my life, I soon realized that there are things under my full control that I can change (if I chose to do so), but there are also things in life that are out of my control.
In short, I clarified to myself that the only thing I have fully under my control is my attitude towards life and the response I “put out in the world” when I get challenged or triggered with something.
Everything else, like what people say, think or do plus how exactly things turn out in the end, is really out of my control.
There is a prayer I really like called Serenity Prayer, and it goes like this:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.”
Can you see how aligning with this prayer would immensely lighten the load of your life?
STEP 4: Realize that resistance and disapproval only make you stuck
Resistance is inner pressure that we feel when we experience something we judge as negative or that we wan’t to get away from us.
I have already written a post about resistance, and you can read it here.
A quick technique to let go of resistance can be found in my other article that you can check out here.
Disapproval on the other hand is something that will really need to be addressed separately. I will probably write an entire post about it, but let’s start to examine the basics right here and now.
Disapproval usually follows (or even happens a little before) resistance. So they are closely connected.
Somehow, during our childhood days, we have concluded that disapproving of something actually makes it change.
We learned about this from our parents and our environment because we were conditioned with it from our earliest days.
If we didn’t behave the way we are supposed to, we would get scorned. We would be disapproved off.
We need to examine this really closely.
Does disapproval help us in any way shape or form? Does it help change or solve the situation or issue we are experiencing in our lives?
It really does not help change situation, sometimes it even makes it more complicated and it also feels terrible.
It’s like holding a poison in our bodies and consciousness, waiting and expecting that the outside obstacles shift for the better.
Crazy isn’t it?
Well, when you think about it, it sure is crazy.
We need to stop disapproving if we expect to get positive enough to allow change to happen.
Change with love means noticing all the subtle ways we disapprove and then deciding to drop them.
STEP 5: Face all your fears with love
It is probably inevitable that we will experience subconscious fears and worries along our process of changing with love.
I have already published an article about worry and how not to worry, and you can read about it on this link.
We need to fully accept fear and worry, because as you learned in step four, what you resist persists and what you disapprove only makes you feel lousy and it doesn’t help in any way, shape or form.
Most people agree that actually in our lives there are only two main dualities. One is Love and the other is Fear. Worry is a big part of fear.
Good thing about it, is that the quickest way to address the fear is to face it with love.
Turn towards fear and just fully accept it. Give it permission to be.
Allow it to be experienced fully. Love it as it is, not because you need a reason to, or because you want it to leave, but because loving it makes you feel better in the moment that you are doing it.
If you do it with an open heart, you will notice fear subsiding and leaving on its own.
Master this approach to fears and you will master life.
Final Thoughts
I hope you found some value in the above text. I know life can sometimes feel difficult and unfair, but it is my strong “inner feeling” that the more of us starts the process of changing with love, the entire humanity is going to benefit tremendously. Plus you can rest assured that you are not the only one in this world that is interested in changing with love.
And since Love is the strongest power in Universe, it really doesn’t matter how many of us are there, meaning each and every one of us that starts practicing Love helps neutralize huge number of fears, hate and other destructive feelings that are constantly flooding our existence.
If you are interested and want to dig deeper in the process of Love, I invite you to check out the online course that I strongly endorse.
You can find additional resources (books) that can also help you tremendously at the reviews and recommendation page.
Enjoy the process (journey) of changing with Love!
Please share and comment below with your thoughts on how to change with love.
Love,
Sinisa
Images courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net