We live in a society where our happiness is hugely conditioned. Being in a relationship is considered by many as a formal prerequisite for happiness.
Theory is that it is absolutely impossible to be happy and single.
Is that really the case?
Is it really possible to be happy and single?
The answer to this question depends on our understanding of what constitutes happiness in the first place.
For majority of people, happiness is directly tied to the approval we get from our partners, parents and other people in our lives.
What is happiness really?
If you want to stretch your understanding a little bit, please consider that happiness is something that comes inside of us.
Just think about the last time when you were happy, and you will probably notice your happiness equated to your approving of a situation or conditions encountered in that specific moment.
Happiness was directly proportional to that level of your approval.
The greater the approval was, the greater the happiness. In other words, the less you wanted to change something, or were threatened (lacking), the less the anxiety, disturbance and unhappiness.
That is a really important fact to take into consideration because it has a huge significance.
If we somehow, increase the level of approval in our lives it stands to reason that the level of our happiness will increase as well.
We all need to find out for ourselves that the approval only comes from the inside.
We simply wrongly assume that it is something that comes from the outside of us.
The truth is, nobody can give it to us and also nobody can take it away from us. The approval inside of us is unconditional.
We are the ones holding the keys of our own approval.
- I will not be complete unless I have someone by my side
This, and similar beliefs are the source of unhappiness when single. It is why we resist being single and why we absolutely hate the idea of ending up alone.
But what we resist persists.
And if we resist being single that is exactly what will keep happening in our lives because that is where our focus is.
The truth is, you are already whole, complete and perfect. And even if you don’t accept that in this moment, I am sure there are plenty of things in your life for which you are grateful for. And gratefulness, together with ending your complaining is the fast road towards acceptance and Love.
But that consciousness has to come as a result of your direct (inward) experience.
- Something terrible will happen if I end up being alone
Fear of ending up alone is a really strong feeling that originates from our earliest history. Back then, if we got singled out, or expelled from the community, we would most probably die. Having the protection of the community and having relationships ensured that we would be protected and we would be able to have offspring’s as well.
This emotion is ingrained in our DNA and we need to take the time to dissolve it.
- There is a perfect someone and I just need to wait for him/her to show up
This belief could lead you to living a life of waiting for that perfect conditions, and also a life of missing out opportunities simply because they don’t satisfy your norms. Prioritize what is the most important thing that you would like to have in a relationship, and once you find that allow yourself to experience it and see what happens.
Don’t be afraid to be hurt. If you are not fully open to the potential of being hurt in some way, you are not fully open to love.
Also, remember that there is no need to fear change.
Until you find a way to love yourself first, your life, especially if being alone, will be a conditional struggle.
You will be like a junkie in need of a fix. If you get it you will approve of yourself and if you don’t you will disapprove.
But, when you succeed in loving yourself just as you are, single or not, you will naturally become happier and more fun to be around.
This in turn will lead to huge positive increase in your chances of finding someone who would like to spend time with you.
Even if you don’t believe in the “law of attraction” you could understand theoretically how being a positive and loving individual would make you a more desirable person for someone else.
I suggest that if you are currently alone, you use this time to search for the approval that is inside of you.
Find it, and you will never worry about being in a relationship.
You will be happy and loving. And that is strangely, the main prerequisite for attracting the significant other in your life.
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
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I approve of you, even if you don’t.
Images courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net