Job Rejection Letter – Why Does it Hurt so Much?

Job Rejection Letter – What The #$%! Just Happened?

Job Rejection Letter

Years ago, there I was, living in a slightly lusting state of awaiting positive response to my job application from the employer I have applied to.

I knew I had all the job posting requirements covered. I had the experience for most of the things required, and where I didn’t I thought hiring manager will recognize my learning potential, based on my results up to that time.

I was pretty happy to think that it was obvious to both of us that they would be really getting a great deal with me.

But guess what, as weeks went by, and without any interview conducted or even a call received, I was suddenly faced with the understanding of my “prospective employer”, that in reality we disagree on the subject of “me being a perfect candidate” for the advertised job. 🙂

And I found myself at the receiving end of the (in)famous job rejection letter!

Why Me God? Why Does Everything Happen to Me?

Why Does Everything Happen to Me

There are different types of companies each with its own company culture out there. Some of them don’t even bother sending you application info back. They just mention in the application form something like “If we don’t get in touch with you in the next couple of weeks you can assume we didn’t select you”, so I guess receiving any information, even if it’s rejection letter still counts to something.

You know, a kick in the butt is still making you go one step forward!

In reality, rejections are not that easy to swallow. They drill to the core of what and who you are and if you are wishy-washy there, you will feel pain. And you will be hurt.

Our friends and people close to us will usually try to comfort us that with time or increasing number jobs applied to, it gets easier and easier to handle rejections. Well… if we just go with that, it really does take time! And it still continues to hurt along the way, only the intensity lessens a bit.

In order to save ourselves from suffering, our mind then tells us that the smart thing to do is to shut down to our feelings, especially to those that get triggered up by rejections. And the problem with this tactic, is that we shut down to life entirely.

You see, you cannot shut down selectively, either you are open to your feelings (meaning open to both good and bad) or you are completely shut down from them (meaning you shutdown from both good and bad). You can’t have one without allowing the other.

So is There Really a Way to Stop Hurting for Good Without Shutting Down?

The only way to actually stop experiences and life situations (like job rejections) from hurting you is to come to the terms with the reason why you are really upset. You begin by slowly opening that can of worms and you start getting them out one by one, until there is not a single one left.

The truth is, you are not really upset because you didn’t get the job.

Although it may seem like that, you are in reality upset for a whole different reason…

Wait… So You Say There is Something Else Going on Here?

Something Else is Going On

Yes. You see, from the moment we were born we started to be influenced by that same world we were exposed to, by our parents and relatives, by the people that were interacting with us, and later on by the education system, movies and general society norms and rules.

Research has been done on the fact that whatever happens to us in the first couple of years (some even say the first year of our life) is what makes a lasting and energy intense (but subconscious) memory imprint, that (if not checked out) stays active and in operation for the rest of our lives.

We form our beliefs and conclusions about who and what we are and who and what this world is. We decide on all the things that are dangerous in the world and how me must behave to be safe from them. We learn to seek the approval of others, in any form we can, to be able to survive.

Those childhood experiences are the first things that we acquire and fully accept without any doubt, and they engrave the basic rules for what we resist and what we want throughout our lives!

The Real Reason I Feel Upset!

The real reason I got upset is not directly related to the issue of not getting the job at that specific company. Really, when you think about it, there are thousands of companies, and thousands of ways to make a living nowadays. There is nothing really special in that specific company or that specific job position.

The thing that hurts the most is how we judge ourselves based on that job rejection letter.

What have we concluded about ourselves? What did it remind us to, from our early childhood days? What beliefs got validated by that event?

Here are some examples of what could get triggered:

  • I am not worthy
  • Nobody wants me
  • Nobody likes or loves me
  • I am going to die and nobody cares
  • World is an evil place
  • People are evil
  • I will never be happy
  • I will never get what I want
  • There is no use in trying

You get the picture, right? In short, you will not be able to get approval from outside and you will die.

Alone

So, when you take all those beliefs and feelings for checking in your current situation, you will notice that some or even all of them are being activated and that fact has nothing to do with the job opportunity itself!

All those feelings were already inside of you, and the letter just stimulated them and got them out in the open, for you to see them.

And all of them rely on the fact that you think you get your approval from the outside.

We have assigned so much approval value to that specific job, that in our minds it was the perfect solution for most of our problems, and we also imagined that if we got the job we would finally be happy…

What a load of bullocks.

The company failed to recognize the value I could bring to them, and if somebody doesn’t recognize my value, they are really not good for me to be hanging out around them. That is about the entire meaning a rejection letter carries.

Why would I want to work for someone who’s vision is impaired? If I applied with the idea of adding value to the company, in the long run they have probably lost by not hiring me.

And if you applied for any other reason, for example solely for the benefits that were offered, like paycheck, perks or prestige of the position, well, then you need to start taking a look inside of yourself and check and see from where does your true value come from.

Do you think paycheck, perks or prestige of the position will add value to you?

The real value and worthiness of each and every one of us, comes from the inside. It’s the only place it has ever been and only place it will ever be. And you will never be truly happy until you discover this for yourself.

One of my favorite Guy Ritchie movies – “Revolver” from 2005 – has a great quote:

“There is something about yourself that you don’t know. Something that you will deny even exists until it’s too late to do anything about it. It’s the only reason you get up in the morning, the only reason you suffer the shitty boss, the blood, the sweat and the tears. 

This is because you want people to know how good, attractive, generous, funny, wild and clever you really are. Fear or revere me, but please think I’m special.

We share an addiction. We’re approval junkies. We’re all in it for the slap on the back and the gold watch. The hip, hip, hoo-fu*king-rah. 

Look at the clever boy with the badge, polishing his trophy. Shine on, you crazy diamond. Cos we’re just monkeys wrapped in suits, begging for the approval of others.”

Approval InsideYou must check within yourself and find your own approval, one that is always there, because if you don’t, each time life throws you something in the face it’s gonna hurt like hell and you will suffer. And it’s no fun living a life like that, don’t you agree?

When you succeed in finding your approval inside, rejections won’t matter, because they don’t carry a deeper meaning about yourself anymore.

Where Do I Go from Now?

You can decide to use this experience and start dealing with your deep buried feelings. You have a rare opportunity now when the feelings are up in the open, to learn something about yourself.

You can clearly see what are the limitations you are holding in your subconscious mind.  And you can decide to let them go and start looking for the approval that is inside of you, already unconditional.

Do what you can to get motivated and allow yourself to open to life, love, Universe, God, whatever you call it and however you feel it.

A good starting point for you might be to see if something on my reviews and recommendations page resonates with you.

We are not here just to wrap ourselves in suits and go to work. We are here to provide value and benefit to others, and when we do that we get to experience the only thing we have been searching for all this time..

We get to experience real love!

And that experience can come only from the inside, it has nothing to do with the job, money, car, house, vacations…

So if you ever got that job rejection letter, please comment bellow and share a thought that can be useful for visitors of this page.

Share with us your understanding that probably months or years later, that at the moment you were not aware of. Give an example that shows everyone that for every down there is always an up!

Take care,

Sinisa

22 Comments


  1. This is a really fascinating post, and I have to say, I agree with all of the points you raised. I recently went through a couple of job rejections, and it hurt, because of all the reasons you mentioned.
    I was easily qualified for the jobs- I’d done much higher-level work in the past. So when that wasn’t recognised, it felt like a personal attack. I know that it wasn’t personal, at all, but it’s hard to tell your ego that sometimes 😉
    I’m now working hard on my own business, and on working with horses (doing what I love), so it clearly didn’t affect me too badly. I do need to spend some time working on myself, though, so that rejection doesn’t feel so painful in the future!
    Thanks for sharing,
    Chloe

    Reply

    1. Hi Chloe and thank you for sharing!

      Its so true, everything that happens to us we take very personally, and especially “negative” things that we automatically perceive as attacks against us.

      But the truth is, in that moment, when we face rejection, we never know where will it lead us in the future and how our future will actually be. Perhaps that rejection is the biggest most important thing that happened to us. Who knows. Your career is now related to following your passion, working with horses (btw I really adore them) so it turned out really good in the end! And I am sure you don’t look at it as “working” like before, activity just seems to happen and there is much more enjoyment, right? 😉

      The most important thing when this type of experience happens is that we don’t allow it to to be excuse for negativity, depression, anxiety and fear.

      Take care and thanks for commenting!

      Sinisa

      Reply

  2. What a powerful post! I had that feeling a few years ago; right after I quit my job to give MLM a chance and failed miserably. I applied to work at ABC liquor for $8.50 an hour because I wasn’t seeing results. When I didn’t get the job; I felt horrible. How could I not be qualified to work a retail job at a liquor store?? I felt worthless. Needless to say, it motivated me to keep going and not give up on Internet marketing. Because depending on someone else’s approval to earn a living really sucks.

    Thanks for sharing,
    Diana

    Reply

    1. Hi Diana!

      Thank you for this comment, it’s always amazing to see just how much of us has been in the same place or experienced the same things, it really helps and gives hope to the people who are right now in that same situation, of looking at that job rejection letter and wondering what is wrong with them.

      Nothing is wrong with you and you never need to feel bad about not getting that job. You can see from people commenting here, that life somehow always sorts itself out!

      Diana I really like what you said about depending on someone else’s approval, it is true, it easily creates a slave out of you and drowns your creativity, because you are constantly worrying about getting it or not getting it.

      Thank you for sharing and not giving up! 🙂

      Much love,

      Sinisa

      Reply

  3. Hi Diana,

    I’ve been through several job seeking efforts for months before I landed my current job. Even though I didn’t get the actual job rejection letter, the silence that we feel after applying to numerous promising job can easily make us feel unworthy.

    But l think it is best not to focus on the rejection and instead on the thought that there is somewhere an even better job for me. We just need to continue on. And indeed, I ended up with a much better job offer later on.

    Reply

    1. Hi Rina and welcome!

      The silence that usually happens during the selection process, when we actually have no idea how the process is continuing (or if it is at all) can be even more painful than the actual job rejection letter.

      Not knowing gives rise to false hoping, and then perhaps disappointment later on when we find out that someone else got the job.

      I am glad you held on. The night is darkest right before the dawn!

      Regards,

      Sinisa

      Reply

  4. Hi Sinisa,
    Wow that was a very enlightening subject matter that you did such a great job in articulating quite well. Being rejected really for anything – an application for a job being rejected, being cut from a sports team, not getting that role in a play or musical that you auditioned for really cuts to the very basic concepts of what you mentioned in the article.

    After being rejected, it is an assault to our sense of worthiness in life. One of the hardest things in the world is being told that you’re not good enough. We all have the need to feel worthy. Being told that you’re not worthy is a slap at our very inner beings.

    Life often has its pitfalls and its all about picking oneself up after not being able to achieve something – such as getting that job that you felt you easily qualified for.
    This article should be read by anyone who has ever experienced rejection in any form – really that would be everyone who walks the planet!

    Super job, sir!
    Jeff

    Reply

    1. Hi JeffWA and welcome to Change With Love! 🙂

      I think you are right, I will probably write some more blog posts about the feeling of rejection as it is such an important subject, and like you said it really does hit us on our sense of self-worth and it could shape how we look at ourselves, and how much value and trust we place in our own capabilities.

      We all stumble and fall during our life journey and we all face rejection in some point of our lives, but what is important is to never quit.

      Failure is a failure only when we decide to quit and stop trying, other then that it is just part of our learning process.

      If we stopped trying to walk at the first time we fell, nobody would be walking!

      Also, rejection doesn’t mean you can’t ever have it, it just means not now and not in this way 🙂 so when you think about it it’s not such a big deal after all!

      I really appreciate your comment and I am thankful you took the time to write it.

      Hope to read you again!

      Regards,

      Sinisa

      Reply

  5. Hi Sinisa,

    I have really enjoyed reading your post, Job Rejection Letter – Why Does it Hurt So Much?

    I think so many of us do feel upset or let down when things don’t go the way we want them to. Mostly because we tend to take these life events personally and label them as somehow being a reflection of who we are….we tell ourselves that we are a failure.

    It’s so true that often, though, those rejection letters are paving the way for something much better to come to us!

    If we can keep that kind of thinking in mind when we are disappointed by something we hoped we would get, then we are putting ourselves in a much better position mentally and emotionally to move on.

    Really great read!

    Warmly, Heather 🙂

    Reply

    1. Hi Heather,

      absolutely, we set our happiness to be directly tied to fulfillment of the thing we decided is right for us in any given moment.
      But when we all take an honest look through our past life experiences, we can usually find hidden gems of life experiences that appeared only because at first something we rejected or resisted happened.
      When things don’t work out my way, I set a reminder for the future to realize why that “failure” turned out to be the best thing that could have happened for me at that time of my life. And I usually find the link.

      Reply

  6. I think it has a TON to do with what we were programmed to think of ourselves as since we were young! Like you said, we had that mental imprint subsocniously put into us growing up. Our experiences led us to believe that. Too many people walk around thinking so low of themselves when it isn’t true! great uplifting article!

    Reply

    1. Exactly. People say ignorance is bliss. Well, once you start recognizing and seeing those childhood programs in action, it is your responsibility to start taking them out. Or you can leave them operating and watch them materialize over and over again. The choice is always ours to make.

      Reply

      1. Dear confused self, I regret to inform you that you didn’t quite Scratch that. Regrets are senseless. Everything happened just the way it should have. Why ? you are here today, being who you are, doing what you do, because of every piece of the past-every single piece. That’s right. Cheers to every scrape from falling off of your bike, every wrong answer on a test, every jerk that made their way into your heart somehow, every avoidable argument that comes with the denial of being wrong, every little white lie’-every imperfection, every smudge on the canvas of your life has made up the art it is today. And every piece of art has its story. Isn’t that what’s most intriguing about it ? No two works are the same, for they can’t be. Van Gogh is no Picasso. Picasso went through blue phases, but never so blue that sending a part of ear was considered a gift of devotion. You’re probably wondering what I’m getting at, and why it’s taking so long. But don’t we ask that of ourselves more times than we know ? why is it taking so long for me to be happy ? Why is it taking so long for me to understand the theory of relativity ? Why is it taking so long to allow the world to read my thoughts? Why is it taking so long for me to change the world, just like i’ve always wanted to ? Your canvas is not completed just yet. The story of you has not reached the climax just yet. Aspire to become the writer you’ve always dreamed of, but do it with love in your heart, hope on your sleeve, and leave your eyes wide open. I’m afraid you’ve missed some extravagant things on your quest through life. Love yourself a little more. Love opens the heart to a thousand different highways. Love for yourself can take you every place you’d want to go. Perhaps you limited yourself to a single free way. Try turning around, love yourself a little more, and the end result will be in your favor. One who compares themselves to others is one that isn’t reading their own street signs. Don’t speed up to catch up to the one in front of you, for they have their own destination. You’ll get to yours exactly on time, so never be afraid to take any detours. Never be afraid to allow some paint to drip on your canvas. Do you get it, yet ? Am I loud and clear, confused self? Love yourself, love your work. Love your work, and so will others. Sing and the world sings with you. I look forward to hearing from you again. But next time don’t use your inside voice. Scream at the top of your lungs. This isn’t a library, this is life.

        Reply

        1. Great comment Kathryn. I like what you said about life, it really is not a library, so let’s scream our purpose. I began with this site, sharing my experiences, I hope that encourages other people to start listening to their hearts too… Love is really the answer, and the only way for a real and lasting change is to change with love.

          Reply

  7. Hi, I really liked your article. I think most of us react instead of thinking about what’s making us respond the way we are responding. Sadly we are all looking for approval and it helps if we understand our motivation. I loved your line “why would I want to work for someone who is vision impaired”!! I think I will use that line for everything!! It gave me a little perspective. Thanks

    Reply

    1. Hi Dawn! Yes, it’s great when we consciously choose to use every seemingly “down” in Life as a means to go “up”. Almost all great accomplishments were not actually planned for in the beginning and are result of a change and adapting. I am glad you found the article helpful 🙂

      Reply

  8. I usually find things happen for a reason and that, in retrospect, what seems like a negative event such as a job rejection was one of the best things that could have happened. I was only rejected for a job once, and was upset, but a month later an infinitely better opportunity came along which made my CV look so much more impressive. Just don’t give up – keep going and the ideal opportunity will usually arise.

    Reply

    1. Exactly how I feel! All that we need to do is see that there are two things in life. One is that there exists a “Source” or unlimited potential of opportunities from which everything comes and another is that there are various “channels” through which all this opportunities can manifest. Source is one and unique while channels vary. For example, perfect job offer comes from the “Source” but may come through the channel we don’t expect. We don’t really need to worry about or focus on the channel, simply trust that the “Source” provides. As it has been proven by many people who left there comments here, as well as lot of others who did not 🙂

      Reply

  9. I believe that are feelings are necessary, and give us the feedback required to know if we are on the right track. We need to really acknowledge and accept these feelings, not ignore or bury them. Once we do this we can then move toward more positive and helpful feelings which will benefit us moving forward.Thank you for your informative article!

    Reply

    1. I agree. If we resist or bury our feelings deep down, it is not a good solution because the feelings will still remain and we will still have to deal with them sooner or later. So acceptance would definitely be the first step towards happiness. Moving forward to a more positive place is not complicated process but that does not mean it is an easy one.

      We all need to do what we can in regards to our personal development to let go of our non-loving feeling so that we can move into happiness that is always there.

      S.

      Reply

  10. Hey Sinisa:

    Thanks for the insightful article on job rejection (or any other kind of rejection). It allows me to step back and do a reality check…again.

    Any kind of offering you put out into the world is going to be subject to rejection. Mostly, not everybody will see the value of what you do nor will everyone need what you offer. It can be devastating when you invest too much of yourself in any one idea, I suppose.

    Perhaps the best antidote to rejection-itis is probably to just keep pitching ideas and yourself over and over until it sticks.

    Reply

    1. Hi Netta and welcome!
      This is especially true with great (new) ideas that change the way people were looking at things up to that time or in some other way shifts the established paradigm.

      Following our heart together with the attitude of not giving up is all that is required to succeed in anything.

      Reply

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