Most people think they love their partner, but in reality, that is not the case. Here are my thoughts about the true meaning of love in a relationship.
We have all been conditioned to think of love as dependence.
We think of it as something outside of us that can be gained or lost and also something deeply connected with our survival in this world.
From our early childhood, we quickly learn the importance of doing whatever we can to ensure our safety and survival.
We learn to think that the only way to be safe and survive is to always have people loving us.
We get mentally programmed into living our lives with the desire to be loved by the world around us.
We all want to be loved
The truth is that indeed we are all searching for love.
But the problem is that we are searching for it in all the wrong places.
Every time we are searching for love outside of us, we are searching in the wrong place. It’s like the story of a person searching for their glasses that are actually on their head.
We falsely believe that love is something that we can only get from others. That it is something that needs to be earned. That somehow it’s a currency that is limited and scarce.
And before we start to question this premise it sure can seem that way.
Believing that love is something outside of us is a part of the old consciousness, one that we need to break free of.
That and all other similar beliefs are not to be used for blaming or justifying our staying stuck but instead for transcending and growth. Once we become conscious of them we can use them to change with love.
Our parents or caregivers were the ones that have taught us to look at love as something to be gained or earned in exchange for behaving like a good kid.
No matter where you come from we have all been subject to the same beliefs…
We were taught that adhering to the rules and standards will get us approval. Do what is asked of you and only then you will receive rewards. Rewards in the form of approval and appreciation from the world.
Early on, we decide that it is necessary to make people love us. So how do we do that?
We begin by learning the ways of ego manipulation and forcing control over others.
This behavior leads to the development of conditional loving, and that is not the true meaning of love in a relationship.
Conditional loving simply means that there is something that needs to be done or something that you need to have to deserve love.
It is also conditional because it is being withheld if certain conditions are not met by the other person. Withholding love is a way of punishment and a way to try to enforce ego control over the other.
What is the true meaning of love?
Real love is not something that can be gained or lost. It is never used as a means to an end.
It is not something that you need to earn. It is not something that is being kept by a selected few. It is never used to control anything or anyone.
Real love is not limited to or denied by anyone.
Love is the essence of who we are as beings. The proof of that is that all of us can consciously choose to give ourselves approval or to start loving ourselves. And we can do that unconditionally.
How do we do that?
We do it by letting go of disapproving and creating a strong decision to simply start giving ourselves approval.
Only when you learn how to give yourself love and approval are you ready to give it fully to others too.
You can’t give out something you don’t have, right?
Lester Levenson’s discovery in life was that all of his problems came from his not knowing what love is. Whereas, all of his answers to life came from his capacity to love.
Love is the most powerful force in the universe.
When you are truly connected with love then nothing can touch you.
How to relearn what true love is?
Next time you appear to have a conflict in your relationship, try to do some quiet introspection and recognize if your love towards the other person was unconditional?
Did you get mad or upset because you were wanting to get something in return? Can you honestly say you were loving your partner unconditionally? Or can you recognize that you felt out of control, threatened, or lacking approval from them?
When you love someone unconditionally, there are no expectations to be met and no returns that you expect. You simply do it with an open heart and without wanting anything in return.
It is important to stress out one thing though.
Loving unconditionally does not mean allowing others to abuse us.
Loving doesn’t mean we become a doormat for others to use.
Allowing others to abuse us only points out that we are not loving ourselves.
And if we are not loving ourselves unconditionally, how can we love the other one?
All love must first start from us.
Suggestion for the best way of learning true love
Check out my post with quotes on unconditional love from Lester Levenson. From there you can get some additional insights into the true meaning of unconditional love in a relationship.
The best way in my opinion is to experience what true love is directly.
Find some time to check out Lester Levenson’s Online Love Course.
In this course, you will be taking the truth about love directly from the Source inside yourself, from your Beingness.
Remember to go easy on yourself. We are all on a unique journey in this life and reaching the end destination quickly is not the main goal. You don’t even need to know how long it will take for you to get there.
You only need to know the direction towards where you are going and simply keep walking by putting one step in front of another. That is all you need to do to reach any destination.
But it is important to start. Choose today to make your first step towards unconditional love.
If you have any questions feel free to ask them and I will answer them below.
If you want a more personal and direct help check out my Executive Coaching / Private Sessions page.
Until next time,
Images courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net